Issue #231 / April 2023

I’m a big fan of yours blah de blah… my daughter, Emily, got murdered in a park [ ] …she got her throat slit by a paranoid schizophrenic…I wouldn’t share this with anyone I didn’t think would be able to cope with this but I suspect you can Nick…Mr Cave…how do we cope with this shit losing a loved one in such horrific circumstances??? I’d love your input. I’m going to buy your book which I think will help.


Dear Mark,

I am humbled that you have sent me this letter and that you feel I can offer some solace. I read about the circumstances of your daughter’s death and I dont think Ive come across a sadder or more horrific story. The affront is so utterly complete that I feel entirely ill-equipped to offer any advice on how to cope with your situation, or how to deal with your feelings. I truly wish I could be of some help. You have been presented with a burden beyond what an ordinary person can be reasonably expected to endure. I feel deeply for you but can offer you little else than to reach out, one human being to another, and say I am so profoundly sorry. I dearly hope you find a way to transcend the horror of your circumstances, even a little bit, to somehow make a good life within the terms of this atrocity.

What I can say is that I found my own situation was helped not so much through the receiving of advice or wise words, but by simple acts of kindness and support from others. So, in that spirit, I reach out to you in love and solidarity, as someone who understands perhaps a small fraction of your pain and outrage and who, like you, has stood powerless in the face of experience. Your letter was a great help to me and I thank you for that. It reminded me that none of us are ever really in control of our lives and that all we have is each other. I extend my love with the simple wish that I could do more. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love, Nick


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