How can I reclaim songs of yours which I have, until recently, associated intensely with a really terrible relationship? I want them back, unharmed. Can you help me?

Dear Freyja,

Yes, I can certainly help you with this problem but it will involve a bit of witchcraft I’m afraid, and you must follow my instructions, closely.

1) Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed and sit down and close your eyes.

2) Bring to mind your “terrible relationship” in all its fucked-upness and, despite how painful this may be, spend a couple of minutes allowing this memory to permeate your mind.

3) Imagine a shimmering golden cord that attaches you to the memory of this relationship. Really imagine it.

4) In your mind, speak down the cord to the other person in the relationship, and despite what a douche-bag this person may have been, wish them well. Say –

May you be happy on your journey wherever it may lead.

5) Now, imagine a giant pair of scissors cutting the golden cord in half and that “terrible relationship” floating off into space, never to bother you again.

6) You are now released spiritually from this relationship. Breathe in this freedom and remember these words, from me to you –

I am returning my songs to you, unharmed. May they remain with you forever.

7) Now, go to your record player or laptop or whatever and play a Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds song and say –

I reclaim this song. This song is mine.

You have now reasserted ownership of these songs. They belong with you. May they travel lightly with you through the years, for they are forever yours.

Love, Nick

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