Dear Paul and Flavia,

Whatever Freddie Mercury did to ready himself for the stage clearly worked. I saw Queen play at the Festival Hall in Melbourne in the mid-seventies, and Freddie radiated a complete, unshakeable confidence – a strutting peacock of a frontman who seemed born for the stage. As a teenager, watching him I felt the yearning that I’d always feel whenever I saw a great entertainer; above all else, I wanted to be like Freddie – a performer.

It is interesting and reassuring to hear what the psychologists said about him because I am the same. I try to avoid watching footage of myself performing on stage and have never willingly done so. I often think I should, out of a sense of professional duty, but I just cannot bring myself to do it. Perhaps it has something to do with the monstrous chasm between imagination and reality – what one thinks one is, and what one actually is. When I am on stage I imagine I am Elvis Presley, or Michael Jackson, or Beyoncé, or indeed Freddie Mercury, but in reality, I am not. On the rare occasions I have seen myself perform live the illusion is quickly and brutally shattered. I am not remotely akin to any of these godlike people. Whatever other people may see when they watch me, I do not. I am, for better or worse, simply myself – the same all too human figure who stares back at me from the mirror each morning.

Having said that, I have noticed that the discomfort with how I present myself has faded a little in recent years. I suppose we grow older, weather difficult times, and somewhere along the way that morbid introspection subsides. It has been replaced, it seems, by a growing compassion and acceptance of myself.

Paul and Flavia, your questions have come at just the right time. I’m in the middle of rehearsals with The Bad Seeds before we head out on the road next week, and we’re revisiting songs we haven’t played in ages. In one of my favourite Bad Seeds songs, ‘Rings of Saturn’, I sing —

This is the moment

This is exactly what we were meant to be

This is what we do, and this is what we are

When performed live, these lines carry a powerful energy that speaks to us all and lifts us beyond melancholic notions of self-image, beyond our individual preoccupations and internal worries. They ignite our souls, unite us, and return us to that righteous place – the glorious common moment – where together we can be fully ourselves.

This is the moment

This is exactly what we are meant to be

Indeed.

I hope to see some of you at a show this summer!

Love, Nick

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