Issue #282 / April 2024

50 QUESTIONS No. 3

I used to really like RHF now I really, REALLY like reading it since the Yes/No/Go Fuck Yourself answers appeared. Love it! How do I phrase this as a question?

NEIL, WAKEFIELD, NEW ZEALAND

 

I don’t know but go fuck yourself

Are you ever going to answer any of my questions?
MANU, LONDON, UK

No.

Do you feel that attempts to make Christianity and church-going fun, cool, contemporary, casual etc. detract from the experience, and ultimately from the message that’s received?
BEN, SHEFFIELD, UK

Yes.

Do you have ADHD and if so are you medicated?
NICK, MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

No.

Don’t you ever wish you’d been a woman?
ELENA, BILBAO, SPAIN

Yes.

Do you ever block people?
DEN, VIENNA, AUSTRIA

No.

Do you think humanity is doomed?
KATE, SINGAPORE

Yes.

Have you read ‘Unapologetic’ by Francis Spufford?
SUSAN, WENTWORTH FALLS, AUSTRALIA

Yes.

What is your favourite emoji?
HANNAH, ZURICH, SWITZERLAND

🐨

Why are you such a pussy ass bitch that you won’t cover La Vie en Rose in French?
BRYN, TWP, USA

🐨

Is Australia as beautiful as I imagine it to be?
MASHA, CALGARY, CANADA

🐨

Do you choose the wonderful paintings that accompany your answers?
GARY, EAST KILBRIDE, SCOTLAND

Yes.

Do you ever use a thesaurus when you’re writing lyrics or Red Hand Files?
PHIL, KUSATU, JAPAN

No, no indeed, absolutely not, most certainly not, of course not, under no circumstances, by no means, not at all, negative, never, not really, no thanks, nope.

I tried to listen to your songs and replace the word Jesus with the word Buddha, but it didn’t work so well. Have you tried it?
LOUISE, SHAW, AUSTRALIA

No.

Is Colin Greenwood a Bad Seed now?
JED, YORK, UK

No.

Do you acknowledge your privileges?
GOLI, FRANKFURT, GERMANY

No.

Can you surf?
SIMON, MANDREM, INDIA

Yes.

Do you love me without knowing me?
NIELS, KIEL, GERMANY

Yes.

Help me out here, have I got this right? (re: issue 274) In these exceptionally “perilous and urgent times” you recommend fiddling while Rome burns?
PAUL, LONDON, UK

If you are a fiddler, yes. If you are a fireman, no.

Would you continue to write and perform if your audience disappeared overnight?
TRACEY, MALMSBURY, UK

No.

As a recovering addict, would you ever consider using psychedelics in a therapeutic setting if you were ever diagnosed with clinical depression or PTSD?
MARK, ST PAUL, USA

Yes.

Can you lead a fulfilled life without having children?
JOSEPH, SAN FRANCISCO, USA

Yes.

Do you ever wish you had a daughter?
BILL, CULPEPER, USA

Yes.

Isn’t being centrist just being indecisive?
FRANKLIN, LEATHERHEAD, UK

No, I mean, yes, I mean, I don’t know, I mean, go fuck yourself.

Would you like another baby?
BEATE, FRANKFURT, GERMANY

No.

Would you like a Jelly Baby?
JULIA THE WIZARD, MINNEAPOLIS, USA

Yes.

Do you think that the unhealthy use of social media is one of the evils of this world and that they should be banned for children under 18?
ALESSANDRO, SOLARO, ITALY

Yes.

Your aware there is no god right ?
MATT, GOLD COAST, AUSTRALIA

You’re aware your punctuation sucks, right?

Are you gonna watch the Eurovision Song Contest and are you gonna enjoy it?
ANDY, VANTAA, FINLAND

No.

Do you think Israel should be excluded from the Eurovision Contest this year?
BONNIE, MASPALOMAS, SPAIN

No.

Does the rise of antisemitism worry you?
DAVID, LIVERPOOL, UK

Yes.

If Roger Waters called you up and invited you out for a beer, would you go?
JOSEPH, REVERE, USA

No..

Do you despair how religion is often invoked when it comes to defending barbarous inhumanity?
NIALL, DUBLIN, IRELAND

Yes.

Have you taken the name Red Hand Files from the red hand of Ulster?
RONAN, TRALEE, KERRY

No.

I seriously think you should be knighted for the RHF alone. Don’t you?
VANYA, PERTH, AUSTRIA

Yes.

My boyfriend has asked me to name his penis. Any suggestions?
KATHERINE, ADAMSTOWN, AUSTRALIA

No.

What’s the hardest part of being a woman?
CHINEE, DAVAO CITY, PHILIPPINES

I don’t know.

Are you a cheeseburger?
JAMES, GALWAY, IRELAND

I don’t know.

Do you like Bruce Springsteen?
PALLE, COPENHAGEN, DENMARK

Yes.

Do you think suicide condemns you to Hell?
JEFF, MOUNTAIN, USA

No.

Is suicide a sin against God?
JEFF, MOUNTAIN, USA

Yes.

Have you ever produced a piece of genius work that’s been followed by a feeling of deflation? Like ‘That’s so damn good how will I ever trump it ?!’
DEREK, HAILSHAM, UK

No.

How do you stay so thin?
ADAM, VENICE BEACH, USA

I don’t know.

Do you believe in human progress, in an absolute sense?
WOLF, ETERNITY

No.

Years ago I heard a humanities professor claim that all art is equally sophisticated. Can such a blanket claim possibly be true?
HUGH, VINELAND, NJ, USA

No.

I´m having just one wish for my 50th birthday: to play and sing a song with you – would you accept my invitation to my birthday party into our small village in northern Bohemia?
DANIEL, CESKA LIPA, CZECH REPUBLIC

No.

Just had to fire my guitarist! Don’t you hate the part of leadership where you have to crack skulls and make the tough decisions.
BILL, AUSTIN, USA

No.

Do you think Jubilee Street would be a good song to play at my funeral?
RYAN, BRAMPTON, CANADA

No.

Is an artist always the best judge of the quality of their work?
BEN, WALTON-ON-THAMES, ENGLAND

No.

I don’t know what to do with my life, all I ever want to know is if I’ll be okay. Will I?
ANDREA,QUEZON CITY, PHILIPPINES

Yes, everything’s going to be fine.

Love, Nick

 

 

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