40 SHORTS

That last file was a bit serious – Can we please have some of your irreverent question answering? In need of it given the state of the world. Have a sparkly day.

Sure, Nady, go fuck yourself – but in a lovely sparkly way. 🧚‍♀️

Do you have any plans to spearhead a new artist’s collective? It could be called ‘Artists who are neither for or against crimes against humanity, because making money is sacred!’ (You could change the last bit to ‘art is sacred’ but I doubt it will fool anybody.
LEE, BOURNEMOUTH, UK

Susie and I try to be mindful of lashon hara – a Hebrew term meaning ‘evil speech’, an act forbidden under Jewish law. It basically means you are prohibited from saying anything negative about anyone, even if it is true. Now, we’re not Jewish but it feels like a pretty solid idea. So, if Susie starts to say something unkind about someone, I say, “lashon hara, babe”, and if I do it, she says, “Darling, lashon hara.” That way, we keep each other on the righteous path. The thing is, Susie is not here right now, and I am alone with my laptop and your suggestion that whatever position I may hold, I hold for the money. Well, lashon hara and all that, but Lee, you are a massive fuckwit and should forthwith, with no hesitation and great urgency, go fuck yourself.

Why do you answer questions from jerks? We shouldn’t shy away from addressing our critics, but some of the questioners are just rude and abusive!
NICK, MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

I don’t know, Nick. I have a soft spot for jerks. I’m one myself.

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
BOB, AUSTIN, USA

Pistachio.

Do you have any favourite colours you would like your audience to be wearing bc I am going to see you with my husband in Stuttgart and am wondering?
DEIRDRE, HEIDELBERG, GERMANY

Pistachio.

How cool is Flea?
SAMANTHA, BATHURST, AUSTRALIA

Very.

How does it feel to be on the wrong side of history, cunt?
RODNEY, WINDY HARBOUR, AUSTRALIA

Anywhere you aren’t, mate, feels amazing. I’m sure you hear that a lot.

Who does your hair?
ANNA, SANTA FE, USA

Jesus.

Man you’re kind and kinda amazing. That RHF just poated is like ao many others. Just ao thoughtful and giving.
MARA, CHAPEL HILL, USA

Mara, just to say, the ‘s’ on your keyboard is fucked.

Is there any redemption for a 72-year-old cunt who persists in pouring his heart out every week on stage, singing slightly out of time, but with intensity and conviction, and doesn’t give a flying fuck what people think of him?
ROB, MOTUEKA, NEW ZEALAND

Damned but happy. Not such a bad way to be.

It seems most of these questions are like “my family member died, I’m sad!” And the answers are like “life is beautiful and mysterious, sadness brings us together and so on and so on…” I understand this is important to people who have lost their loved ones, but for a reader it gets repetitive. When did Red Hand Files become sort of grief support therapy website?
ANDREI, HELSINKI, FINLAND

A little harsh, Andrei, but point taken.

Hey, it’s my dad’s birthday on Monday, and he loves you. It would mean a lot if you said happy birthday.
JACK, MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

Happy birthday, Jack’s dad. Your son seems like a good guy.

Black men’s suit. White dress shirt. Black silk necktie. Should I wear black Chelsea boots or go with plain-toe black oxfords?
ROBERT, MEDFORD, OREGON, USA

Oxfords.

On the song “Carnage”, there is a lyric “sitting on the balcony reading Flannery O’Connor with a pencil and a plan”, that really resonates with me. Now I am reading Flannery O’Connor. Any more recommendations?
NIGEL, NUNEATON, ENGLAND

If you are reading Flannery O’Connor, be sure to read her short story A Good Man is Hard to Find. If you enjoy Flannery O’Connor, read William Faulkner – As I Lay Dying is a great place to begin.

What is your favourite music autobiography?
HAYLEY, HAMILTON, ON, USA

Straight Life by Art Pepper

Do you ever, mid-concert, decide you aren’t in the mood for being “Nick Cave”
REUBEN, WORTHING, ENGLAND

Seriously, never.

I most of all love Lou Reed, Tom Waits, Nick Cave, and my cat most of all. What does this say about me as a person? I am 68 years old, by the way.
ELISABETH, OSLO, NORWAY

I don’t know what it says about you as a person but I have a horrible feeling your cat might be depressed.

Munificence is a beautiful word, but there is not much time these days for omphaloskepsis.
SARAH, KERSEY, UK

Ah, Sarah, a saintly sesquipedalianist. You put the halo into omphaloskepsis.

Is it ever ok to consciously lie or willingly deceive another person?
MICHAEL, AUSTIN, USA

I’ve found that a lie rarely ends well.

Many of the classic Bad Seeds including Blixa, Mick Harvey, Thomas Wydler and seemingly Martyn P. Casey are no longer participating in live shows. The quality of the current musicians is blatant, but do you ever lend credence to people who question the legitimacy of this band being called “The Bad Seeds” now that the line-up has been completely turned over? What is your opinion on personnel changes in groups you listen to?
DAN, MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

As Mark E. Smith said, “If it’s me and yer granny on bongos, it’s the Fall.”

What opportunities do you see AI tools opening up for songwriters?
SIMON, FALKIRK, SCOTLAND

Bad for good songwriters, good for bad songwriters.

What do you think of Russel Brand’s new book, “How to become a Christian in seven days?”
BARRY, LONDON, UK

Good for atheism.

Do you actually believe in Satan?
WENDY, OKLAHOME, USA

I believe there are external diabolical influences at work in the world. How could anyone not?

Do you think that all of us carry a cross?
EVANGELINA, BUENOS AIRES, ARGENTINA

Well, yes, of course.

What are your memories of the time you lived in São Paulo? There is a very cool picture of you in front of Mercearia São Pedro.
ANDRÉ, RIO DE JANEIRO, BRASIL

Beautiful memories of my all-time favourite bar.

The last red hand files was littered with — It disappointed me that you are using Ai in your answers as they are filled – with – dashes . Have you succumbed to ai ?
TIM, MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

I asked ChatGPT how to answer this question. It told me to tell you to —Go—fuck–your—self—

“Progress moves at the speed of trust,” an Elder
KRIS, YARRAVILLE, AUSTRALIA

It should, Kris, but sadly it does not. Progress has ceased to be interested in our well-being.

Your writing on the Red Hand Files is very clean. Do you use a copy editor?
DOUG, NASHUA, USA

Yes, my assistant, Rachel—a brilliant editor!

No question, just a book recommendation. Anything written by James Sallis. He writes amazing noir crime stuff, philosophical, existential, thrilling, and all whipped into his tense, gnomic style.
RUSTY, KRISTIANSTAD, SWEDEN

Yes, amazing! I’ve read them all!

Can I recommend to you Martin Shaw’s ‘Liturgies of the Wild’, a good companion to Paul Kingsnorth’s new book (and indeed McGilchrist). The audiobook is particularly great as you get to listen to his wonderful narration.
ANDY, MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

I’ve read them, Andy. And listened to Mr Shaw’s audiobook. We are aligned, dude!

David Peace 4 books: 1974, 1977, 1980 and 1983. Not for the faint-hearted!
MARIE, WAKEFIELD, UK

Yes, read them all, back in the day. Brutal.

Would you consider beginning a book club, just like Oprah did?
HESTER, UTRECHT, NETHERLANDS

Fuck no.

What fragrance do you use?
EAU DE NICK, BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA

None.

Did you ever have contact with J. Epstein? Please just answer with no; please!!
BRI, VIENNA, AUSTRIA

No, definitely not, hand on heart, absolutely never, under no circumstances, hardly ever.

help i need to poop d my butt plug wont come out what do i do!!!!!
LOGAN, VICTORIA, AUSTRALIA

Not really my area, Logan, but I will pray for you and I’m sure this too shall pass.

The purpose of all art is to comfort the disturbed whilst disturbing the comfortable – any thoughts?
PETER, LONG MELFORD, UK

Sounds about right.

i wondered why there is almost zero reference to Earl and his loss and your feelings as his father in helping him move forward. my guess is it was a conscious decision and one you had discussed with him
DAVID, LONDON, UK

Yes, it was a conscious decision made by our family to shield Earl from my need to speak about these matters.

More of a statement than a question, but I thought your eyebrows at the Wellington show had a touch of Pavarotti.
SHELLEY, AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND

You’ve made my day, Shelley!

Isn’t making lyrics rhyme kind of a cop out? Like an arbitrary constraint that compromises depth and truth of expression for some random word plucked from a grab bag, whose only purpose is to be good enough to pass minimal muster? Why should one rhyme at all if they care about what they’re expressing?
MATT, WI, USA

Dear Matt, you are an elf

And furthermore go fuck yourself

I do not judge your musical ability and I enjoy your music. You are a good showman. Talented. However, having watched you from the sidelines in the Ballroom days as arrogant, rude and egotistical, I struggle to believe that you are this new-lovely man with humility and kindness. I remember watching poor Anita standing in the foyer of the Ballroom watching a clip of Nick the Stripper on the projection screen with tears falling from her eyes as you had headed off to London. And her friends comforting her. A friend praised you as a person, which I could not reconcile with the person I knew many years ago. I wasn’t a junkie so I wasn’t a part of your circle thank goodness. Happy days. Keep well.
ANNE, MIA MIA, AUSTRALIA

Anne, perhaps it is time for us all to move on.

Love, Nick